Making choices
by his little girl
Summary: Set shortly before the wedding, Bella attempts to set things right with Jacob, only to realize that she faces a tougher choice than ever, and has screwed things up more than set them right.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys. This is not going to be very long, and it's a definite Jacob/Bella fic(Edward is so not my kinda guy). So be warned. I have no idea what it's going to turn out like, but I'm tired of reading so many fics out there that range from downright bad to those that skip straight to the bedroom scenes, regardless of plot and heedless of character. So I thought I'd just give a shot at writing my own.**

**Anyways, this takes part in that little bit before the wedding. If anything doesn't tally with the book, gimme some lee way, and kindly ignore the discrepancies that are bound to be found all over the place. **

**And up and above all else, I would dearly appreciate reviews! Constructive ones, please. Even if it's just a smiley. (that's how desperate I am)**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1 : Going back**

I hesitate, warring with indecision. My hands are firmly wrapped around the steering wheel of the gigantic, impossibly costly, luxurious _missile proof_ car, whose model and make I don't even know.

_God, what I'd do for my Chevy._

I bite my lip. I haven't seen my best friend in ages…almost two months. It's really starting to wear on me.

Edward's gone hunting with Emmett today, up near the mountain pass; he won't be home till way past dinner time…my dinner time, at least.

Carlisle's working over time at the hospital. Esme and Alice, my very favouritest person in the family are out shopping for a pair of new loafers for a very irate Jasper, who had to be coaxed along.

And I'll be coming home to an empty house, empty save Rosalie. I'm hardly ashamed to admit I do not like her a whit.

_Dinner with Rosalie. Bah. _

My mind is made up and I take the next turning left, wincing as the car zooms forward in response to a miniscule twitch of my foot.

_What do I say to him? Jake doesn't do small talk. _

I haven't seen Jacob in a long, long time; we have a lot of catching up to do. If he even wants to be near me in the first place.

Jacob is the biggest, most complex, most heart wrenching dilemma I've ever been made to face.

My best friend, my truest confidante….and he loves me with a love I cannot return, not at all in the way he wants me to.

I think very much of Jacob nowadays. What we used to do, and how I don't see him at all anymore now.

Every time I made a reference to Edward, he made light of it, calling him a leech, a bloodsucker, whatever. He has not since learnt to watch his tongue. He and Edward are on delicate terms now. Better than before, definitely, but not bosom buddies. The two sole most important men of my life and they're doomed by race and origin to forever hate each other; if Jacob had his way, he'd have tried to tear Edward's throat out long ago. Though I'm positive Edward would have reduced him to a fur carpet two minutes in to the fight.

I pretended not to notice, not to show any outward sign of emotion every time Jacob found an excuse to hug me, touch me, pick me up, hold my hand. But he got so much joy out of doing simple things for me and with me, I hadn't any heart to deny him something which cost me so little. If he wanted to hold my hand, I might as well let him.

After a while I realized my awful mistake. He had begun to hope again. Every touch, which to me, was plain insignificant, was to him like a little bit more of a change of heart. The heart which he knows is going to cease beating and freeze in to a state of immortal death, cold and lifeless, the day Edward drinks my blood.

_Bleah. And look where we are now. Barely speaking. Way to go, Bella._

I compose myself, taking deep breaths as I drive in to La Push.

Two minutes later, I'm at Jake's door, my ridiculous car having cruised to a perfect stop right in front of the porch.

_Deep breath. _

_gasp_

_Deep breath. _

_phew _

_Dee- gaspphew_

_gaspphewgaspphewgaspphew_

I mentally shake myself. _If I hyperventilate now, Jacob's going to come out and find my dead body sprawled all over this expensive car._

I groan, realizing this car is going to give Jacob another reason to poke fun at me.

_Ah, what the hell._

I get out, puff my chest out in a show of false bravado and slam the door.

It shuts with a boom.

_Oh shit the car door._

I whirl around at once to thoroughly check the door, and I heave a sigh of my relief at my own paranoia.

_This is a missile proof car, for goodness sake. Why am I worried about the stupid car door? Gosh, I'll never get used to this thing._

I eye the front door balefully, mentally staring it down, the way I'm trying to stare down my fear, stamp down my hesitance to go in and find the one person whom I am aching to see.

Hand fisted up in my sweater and my brown hair blowing all over my face and into my mouth, I set my jaw and stride up to the porch.

**Okay, so this is completely (in my opinion) emo, and mightn't sound promising, but it's nearly 1 am in the morning, and I'm hiding from my mother, PLUS I have a chem trial paper tomorrow. Be a dear and stick around for the rest.**

**Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 : On the road back to friendship**

I push past the door in to the Black living room.

_Messy as always. This guy won't ever stop leaving his socks around. _

I crinkle my nose, half smiling at Jacob's disgusting habit of discarding his – used- socks all over the place.

I want to raise my voice, call his name, but my tongue is sort of tied up in this little knotty bunch at the back of my throat, so I just cautiously pick my way through the mess.

"H-hello?"

Jacob's room is vacant. His bed is a mess of pillows and a holey blanket, jeans and sweaters hanging over chairs and a ripped up North Star sneaker, nearly shredded, under his bed. I guess he still has a problem with the temper. He preferred Adidas, only it got so ridiculously expensive every time he blew his footwear apart into little bits of canvas and leather when he got temperamental or forgot to take them off.

_I…I think nobody's home. phew_

I'm kinda mad nobody's home; just see, I had to work up all that gut to come and look at this. Empty house. Though I _am _rather relieved at being spared all that.

_Okay, go go go go._

I hastily make my way back out past Jake's bedroom door before he materializes out of somewhere and I have to figure out the words I'm planning to say all over again.

And …

I walk straight in to a 7 foot burning wall of flesh.

"Bells!"

_Ah, shite. _

"Uh…Jake."

I have to crane my neck backwards to look at Jacob's face. Gosh, he's really shot up. Like some giraffe on steroids. When did he grow so much? When did his hair grow so long? It's brushing his shoulders in uncombed, wavy russet brown locks.

A wave of embarrassment washes over me in heated warmth, infused with a tinge of remorse at myself. How could I let things get so out of hand, that I had let guilt push my best friend to a little corner of my life? I mean, the last time I saw him, his hair had just been cut and I could speak without having to stare at the bottom of his jaw.

Jacob's stunned at me being here, I can see that. He's got this dazed look on his face. All at once he clutches my arms with two massive hands, gripping with painful intensity, like he's scared I'm gonna dash between his legs (which I believe to be possible. He's like the Eiffel tower, for crying out loud.) any minute.

"Bells!" He repeats, stunned, pushing his face really close to mine, like he just realized it's _me. _

I automatically jerk back. "Uh…Hi."

What's he going to do?

Then Jacob settles it all and envelopes me in a huge hug that makes me feel like I've been pulled in to a scorching furnace, arms like tree trunks wrapped around me like he's not ever going to let go.

_Thank God._

And I hug him back with everything I've got.

I have to tiptoe though; he's nearly pulling me off my feet.

"Oh, _God, _Bells, I've missed you," murmurs Jacob, his head buried in the thickness of my hair. I can feel him rocking back and forth on his heels.

My own head is rested on his solid shoulder, and I bite my lip to stop the tears prickling behind my eyelids like sharp pins; the sorrow and longing and complete _joy _is so disturbingly evident in his voice.

"I've missed you too, Jacob." I turn my face to give him a small peck on the cheek.

He turns and kisses my forehead back, lips brushing over the smooth expanse above my eyes. His mouth is hot, all of him is hot, though I'm snugly wrapped in a jacket and he's wearing a Canucks jersey. The heat emanates through all those layers of cloth, and warms me right away.

His lips linger on my forehead, and I disengage myself from him.

He puts me back down at once, and becomes suddenly very self-conscious, fingers twined in the hem of his jersey like a little boy.

"So…you… you got here yourself?"

"You know I did; there's no way you couldn't have heard that crazy car coming from a mile away."

He smiles at once. "Yeah. I did, actually. Let me look at it?"

We both fall in to a too easy pretense of relaxed camaraderie, both too relieved at the moment to be with each other after starving ourselves of each other's company for so long. He'll probably bring it up sooner or later.

We walk out the house, Jacob teasing gently about the light shade of make-up dusting my cheekbones, and marveling that I'd morphed in to a complete sissy in his absence.

"Alice made me! You wouldn't believe the _cases _of eye shadow alone she bought the other day. She's got her mind set on me walking down the aisle looking like a painted bozo."

Jacob stiffens a little at the mention of my wedding, and I silently beat myself over the head.

I toss him the car keys and he catches it easily, making a dash outside. I lift the hood up with his help, and Jacob nearly falls to his knees in absolute worship at the sight of the polished, gleaming, intricate engine.

"That leech must've spent a bloody _fortune_ on this! It's not on the market yet, much less on this _continent_!" Jacob's face is a mixture of bliss and disbelief.

He softly strokes the engine.

I roll my eyes, disregarding the blatant rudeness of that word. I'm used to it.

He looks up at me, eyes huge as saucers from where he's kneeling in the mush of snow. This crazy guy.

"Let me drive it." His voice is a hushed whisper.

I laugh at him, and gesture to the door.

We both get in, Jacob actually opening the passenger door for me before hurrying frantically over to the driver's seat, having to run one huge circle over the massive hood which encloses the massive engine, before sinking in to the lush leather seat.

He turns and looks at me, and gives me the biggest grin I've seen in a long, long time.

"When do you have to be back?" His voice has a slight tone of resentment at the fact that I will, at some point in time, have to be returned to the hated bloodsucker, but it's masked with pure gladness at my sole presence, and a little boy's exuberance at being let loose in a candy shop. His fingers reverently gripped the steering wheel.

"Not for as long as you want me here," I automatically say, throwing back a grin.

His gaze softens, and I hasten to add, "Preferably by 7."

"Well…down to the beach then?"

I nod happily.

The engine purrs to life, the whole car body gently vibrating beneath me. I strap myself in quickly. There's no way I'm sitting in this monstrosity with _Jacob Black _at the wheel.

And we're off.


End file.
